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2006-01-13 . 8:04 a.m. - Friday 5ives [8] ... noises I hear in my office & what I've translated them to mean
«rusted & used . shiny & new»
- Sniff-throat clear-sniff-sniff: I am the most annoying person in the world and I'm too cool to blow my nose. Please disembowel me with a dull letter opener.
- Cough-Couch-Hack-Hack: I have asthma and allergies, but I refuse to bring my puffer to work just so that I can annoy you and disrupt your work. I deserve to die.
- Small child coughing: My kid is sick, but I'd rather use my sick hours on getting a pedicure, so I just lugged the little tyke into work with me.
- Eric Idle saying "Message for you, sir": I think it's totally rad to customize my Outlook so that I can annoy everyone around me every time I get an email.
- Any combination of the above: We hate you and we want you to have a nervous breakdown before noon.
...
My original 5ives subject was "5ive things you probably shouldn't do on MLK Day" (number one on the list being "get your hood dry-cleaned"). I scrapped the idea because I realized I couldn't think of 4 other things. Oh yeah, and because I realized it was somewhat insensitive, if not wholly offensive.
«rusted & used . shiny & new»
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